Party Time at The Street Light
Down in Riverview, one couple decided to celebrate something truly special: a broken streetlight that’s been out for a full year. That’s right. Twelve months of complete darkness. Most people would file a complaint and hope for the best — but these two threw it a birthday party. Balloons. Cake. Possibly the most meaningful rendition of “Happy Birthday” ever sung to a metal pole.
Now before you laugh (go ahead, it’s earned), here’s where things get even more ridiculous.
After several complaints and months of being ignored, someone finally came out — not to fix it, of course — but to wrap the base in caution tape, as if that was going to light the street or make the problem less obvious. It stayed that way until the birthday bash made the news.
And suddenly… poof — TECO to the rescue. The light was fixed immediately. Like, not next week. Not after a third-party contractor review. Immediately.
Which begs the question: if it was that easy to fix, why did it take a cake and a camera crew to get results?
We pay for these services. We expect working infrastructure. Yet somehow, celebrating neglect seems to be a more effective maintenance strategy than making calls and submitting requests.
Frankly, we might be onto something.
Let’s start throwing birthday parties for potholes. You know the ones. The legendary craters that show up every storm season and never leave. The ones you have to swerve around like you’re dodging banana peels in Mario Kart. We’ll bring cupcakes, party hats, maybe get a DJ. Because if absurdity is what it takes to get something done, we’re all in.
To the broken streetlights, unfilled potholes, leaning signs, and crosswalks that haven’t seen paint since the Bush administration — we see you. And apparently, now we’ll also be celebrating you.
Let us know if someone organizes a quinceañera for that sinkhole near the Publix — we’ll bring the cake and the permits.